Covid 19, Alert Level 1

as we get closer & closer to ‘normal’ i feel less expansive, less free … almost like I’m being suffocated or stifled or constrained 

i want to stand on a mountain & scream into the wind with joy
however i know that if i were to stand on that mountain i would scream
& my scream would turn to tears
& i would fall to my knees & be overcome by grief 

perhaps because i’m so uncomfortable in their ‘normal’
perhaps because i so desperately crave change …

i need to find the change in me 
i need to find the joy in me 
i need to find the ease in me 
i need to find the expansiveness in me
i need to find the breath in me 

i need to breathe