Without the angst
By now we’re so settled in to our routine it feels as if this could be the way it’s always been done & could be always in the future
Initially the angst was real.
That dread of uncertainty which accompanied the ‘what if…’
Fortunately the ‘what if’ has changed & now it’s become ‘… well we’ll work that out when & if we come to it’. and that’s a lovely thought.
It’s been nice having a leader & a framework to work under with instructions disguised as guidelines; as if there was/is a choice when in fact there is only really one sensible thing to do.
I think the angst dissipated after the second visit to the supermarket to get groceries for Dad & the subsequent journey to deliver them to him. We shared a bit of time & space & thoughts & decided this could work out ok for both of us.
Initially I could do very little except the mundane/routine. It felt very much like that space after loss so I’d say it’s been a grieving process.
I sheltered in the sanctuary of learning something new but not totally unfamiliar. That came with the discovery of an online learning platform called Domestika.
I literally stitched my way back to feeling normal.
Now I feel like I’m moving forward again.
Stitching & sewing.
Some useful, others just to see what happens.
And strangely our weather has paralleled all this. We had grey rain for about a week & that’s now given way to cold mornings & nights but beautiful sunny, warm, still days.
It’s lovely to lie in the sun for a few minutes, let it warm my skin & with that warmth comes the feeling of ease.
I can do what I want; be it a little or a lot
The sun will go down each night & a new day will happen not so many hours later
The mountain still stands, as do our trees
The birds still sing & hunt for insects
We can just walk along beside this & feel that we’re absolutely part of it - because we are.
And the wind can howl, the rain can lash
The storms come & go, giving way to sunny days
We can know that there is a power greater than us & feel that we are absolutely part of it - because we are