The working title for this blog post was 'The Sum Total of Half Heartedness : July 2020' as I reached the end of the month feeling pretty despondent about what I didn't get done in July.
The pile of half finished things seemed (& still seems) to be growing at a faster rate than the completed things. It is such a vicious, soul-destroying pastime to focus on what you haven't finished & yet I'm doing it a lot lately.
I decided to actually 'add it up & see'
The pile of half finished things seemed (& still seems) to be growing at a faster rate than the completed things. It is such a vicious, soul-destroying pastime to focus on what you haven't finished & yet I'm doing it a lot lately.
I decided to actually 'add it up & see'
'The Sum Total of Half Heartedness : July 2020'
3 stitched coins
2 stitched samplers on cardstock
1 handmade & embroidered lunch bag
4 stitched people
1 knitted hat
1/2 a stitched blue embroidery
2 x 1/2 stitched muka embroideries
1 small stitched muka sampler
cast on a shawl to knit
took 14 opportunities for wild writing practice
3 stitched coins
2 stitched samplers on cardstock
1 handmade & embroidered lunch bag
4 stitched people
1 knitted hat
1/2 a stitched blue embroidery
2 x 1/2 stitched muka embroideries
1 small stitched muka sampler
cast on a shawl to knit
took 14 opportunities for wild writing practice
Of course, there are also all the projects I started from May & June & although this list doesn't include them it is actually the sum total of all of them which leads to that feeling of despair.
BUT the thing of most concern is my attitude ! I mean, REALLY, what is the point ?!
Here's what I know:
I know my energy is low
I know my attitude sucks
I know I'm tired & tire easily
I know I just wanna do something . . . anything
I know, I know, I know !
Here's what I've worked out:
I'm back at the beginning of the spiral
I'm enjoying books - the reading of, the purchasing of, the hidden delights of
which means
I'm researching again
which means
I'm on the scent of something again
which means
I have to keep going
I have to relax & follow my lead
I have to trust it will become evident eventually
AND
I have to pull my head out of the hole & enjoy the process ha
does that sound familiar ?
I'm always saying I'm a process driven artist - it's not about the outcome blah, blah, blah
wtf
I have to believe that that is true
because it is true
And the process is not pulling teeth (thankfully) so it doesn't have to feel like pulling teeth !
And we are allowed to row our boat into the middle of the lake.
We are allowed to stop rowing.
We can lie back in the boat, feel the sun warm our winter cold skin, feel the boat bobbing around on the calm water, knowing we've packed a picnic & a thermos which we will get to eventually and everything will be ok if we close our eyes & rest for a while . . . .
because we tied the oars on before we fell asleep ;)
BUT the thing of most concern is my attitude ! I mean, REALLY, what is the point ?!
Here's what I know:
I know my energy is low
I know my attitude sucks
I know I'm tired & tire easily
I know I just wanna do something . . . anything
I know, I know, I know !
Here's what I've worked out:
I'm back at the beginning of the spiral
I'm enjoying books - the reading of, the purchasing of, the hidden delights of
which means
I'm researching again
which means
I'm on the scent of something again
which means
I have to keep going
I have to relax & follow my lead
I have to trust it will become evident eventually
AND
I have to pull my head out of the hole & enjoy the process ha
does that sound familiar ?
I'm always saying I'm a process driven artist - it's not about the outcome blah, blah, blah
wtf
I have to believe that that is true
because it is true
And the process is not pulling teeth (thankfully) so it doesn't have to feel like pulling teeth !
And we are allowed to row our boat into the middle of the lake.
We are allowed to stop rowing.
We can lie back in the boat, feel the sun warm our winter cold skin, feel the boat bobbing around on the calm water, knowing we've packed a picnic & a thermos which we will get to eventually and everything will be ok if we close our eyes & rest for a while . . . .
because we tied the oars on before we fell asleep ;)
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